Everything you want to know just here you will find

Weight Loss, Diets and Fitness: I am Spilling all the Tea


– Hey everybody Today's video is really scary for me

I am scared to talk about what we're gonna talk about because the fact of the matter is a lot of you have noticed that I've lost weight A lot of you have noticed my body has changed, my habits have changed, and you should notice because they have The reality is weight is such a loaded question in the plus-size community And very rarely is it discussed without some type of judgment Same with fitness, and same with diet

Those words, weight, diet, and fitness, are probably the heaviest words a plus-size person will face in their entire life Because diet culture has taught us that our worth is in our weight, and that our inability to maintain a certain weight is completely and 100% controlled by our diet and our fitness level And while diet and fitness level do affect someone's weight, they are not the end all be all predictor of someone's weight And so for many people in the plus community, they just don't talk about it Or when they do talk about it, it's in response to this diet culture stigma in conversation

Today, I'm gonna talk about it, and I am ooh really scared about it, but I hope this starts a precedent of talking about these things in a healthy and productive way, in a way where people don't feel alienated and don't feel hurt So that is what we're talking about today We are talking about my weight We are talking about my diet, and we are talking about my fitness Whew, okay, who's ready to be murdered by comments on the internet? This girl

Actually, I'm not ready at all It's good that I'm hiking 'cause hopefully I will just be able to ignore what will probably be some very strong feedback You know what, I think the number one thing that I've realized being out in nature is that you have to pick your battles, and this is a battle that's important to me, and it's something I need to talk about So I'm picking this battle up for better or for worse So let's start at the beginning

I was diagnosed with a condition called lipedema, and I don't even remember exactly when I first found out I remember how I found out A doctor who specializes in treating lipedema reached out to me and said, "I'm pretty sure you have this" And then from there, a nurse reached out to me, someone who worked in the charitable arm of an organization that researches lipedema reached out to me Basically, I had a lot of professionals in the area of studying lipedema reach out to me and tell me that I have this condition

And when I first found out, I was annoyed and mad that these people had reached out to me This is true I was like, "Why are you telling me this? How can you possibly know that I have this condition?" And I ignored it And I was just like, "Screw you I'm gonna do whatever I want

" And then eventually after the 300th person contacted me about it, I still every day get a message from someone with lipedema, encouraging me to research the illness and find out more about it because I probably have it And here you go I do I have lipedema Even when I accepted it, I still didn't make any changes in my life

I was just like, "Whatever, I'm gonna progressively gain weight forever I might as well have fun while that's happening" So I did exactly opposite of what someone should do when they are diagnosed with a condition, especially a progressive disorder I just basically said, "Two sheets to the wind I'm gonna live my best life, eat whatever I want, and do whatever I want because I have this condition, so why shouldn't I?" That was a very immature response to this diagnosis

And in the beginning, it really didn't affect my life that much To be entirely candid, originally it was like, "Oh, my butt and thighs are bigger than the rest of my body, big whoop" But then things started to change Things started to change About a year ago, I started to see things change a lot, right? The bruises became more frequent

I got varicose veins that were not only ugly, but just felt weird I'm constantly afraid I'm gonna break one, which is a weird thing, like I'm gonna pop it, and blood's gonna spurt everywhere I know that's not a rational fear, but it's something I legitimately think about And I just was like, "Okay, maybe I need to start doing something" So I started researching about lipedema, and there were just all these really extreme diets that were suggested

And honestly, a lot of the people who are actively talking about lipedema practice those diets So I chose keto because I like meats and cheeses And I did keto, and I actually developed a really terrible keto rash all over my body I was itching and twitching for days, and it was literally the worst One of the worst experiences of my life was the couple of months I did keto

And I remember crying to my friend on the phone Literally calling her up, and bawling my eyes out, and basically being like, "I can't do this I can't keep this crazy diet I couldn't do it before, and I can't do it now" And it was weird because I was doing a crazy diet for the right reasons, but it was still a crazy, restrictive diet

And it still had all the terrible physical and mental consequences, even though the intention of doing it might've been pure Is it pure? I don't know And I began to get really anxious because I felt like those were the only solutions being presented to me With lipedema, there is no cure There's no pill you take

You have to either adapt your lifestyle to stop the progression or limit the progression, or you continue to progress and eventually lose mobility I felt very defeated And for six months, I probably felt super defeated because I felt like I had lost control of my own body, and I was not capable of doing the things I needed to do to get in control of it And I didn't understand why it behaved the way it did, and during Corona, it got really bad And I remember I have this big chair I sit in

I love to sit and edit in that chair And I remember sitting in it, and it got so hard to get up, and it was more the pain in my legs than anything And I just remember feeling so defeated I like to think of myself as superwoman, and I'm not, and now I have this this thing in my life that I can't control It just makes everything so much harder

It had some things going on in my life that weren't great So I cleaned those up, and I said, "I gotta be in a mental place to make changes that can work for me, That can work for me long term" So I started researching just balancing diet and how to figure out what you should be eating as a normal human being, not as a I want to lose a bajillion pounds person, but just like I just wanna be healthier And I saw this video and honestly, I can't even remember where it is at this point, but it was a dietician, and she said, "People think about our diets as restricting, What can I take out of my diet? When they really should be thinking about food as, what can I put into my diet? What can I add to my diet for it to be more balanced?" I remember watching that, and just something clicked So I got online, I found this company called Snap Kitchen that makes healthy, balanced meals without a lot of preservatives and really focuses on the concept of providing energy in what we eat

So I bought every meal for every day of the week, and I started that way, and they would get delivered to me every other day And what I said to myself is I could eat these meals, and if I get hungry at the end of the day and I need more food, that's okay And I can have whatever I want, but I'm gonna make sure that I start first with all of the nutrients my body needs And in two weeks, my cravings changed I began to notice that sugar makes me feel yucky and causes me to crash a lot

So I significantly cut down on my consumption of sugar I also began to notice that I previously could not tell when I was full or when I needed food And so there were a lot of signals that I was ignoring that I was starting to experience again And it was wild It was wild how much making that change changed me, and also how much my eating habits naturally changed as a result

So after I got my food under control, I was like, "I can't stop here, right? I still feel challenged in movement" So I just said, "I'm gonna walk a mile and a half, five days a week" It ended up being more like six days a week 'cause I started to really love it But no matter what, I'm just gonna get up, and I'm gonna walk a mile and a half, and I don't care how long it takes I don't care where I walk

I'm just gonna walk a mile and a half Now, at that point, I was having severe back pain as well So I would walk, wow, maybe half a mile? And my back would start to ache, and I would have to bend over I would have to stretch it out, and then I would have to keep on going And honestly, those walks in the beginning were so incredibly hard

My legs hurt; they felt bloated and heavy My back was a mess, and it was hot So that doesn't help any of this And I did it anyway I did it anyway

And in two weeks, my back pain was gone Just completely gone I missed this I missed being outside I had worked out like occasionally, but I missed the consistency

I missed the progression I missed being outside I missed doing it with data And I started to say, "You know what? This has to be a priority This can't be something I do for a couple of weeks

This has to be the number one thing I do every single day is find a way to get outside and to be outside" And the peace, and the comfort, and the emotional stability that gave me made it so easy to keep doing it So I started all of this never with the intention of losing weight, but to try to balance my pain Now, in the beginning, I did weigh myself I'll be real

I weighed myself because I was trying to reduce my inflammation When you lose 10 pounds in two days, that's not fat That is inflammation But then I stopped weighing myself regularly I also found that I was starting to get a little connected to that in a way that made me uncomfortable, and I think took away from the reasons why I was making these changes

It's so easy with our culture to get caught up with the number on the scale Is it going down? Is it going down? Is it going down? And I didn't wanna think that way in this journey I wanted to just think like, "Is my health and fitness going up? Is my pain going down? Am I having less symptoms than I normally have?" So I've kind of done away with weighing myself regularly I have made a lot of changes I don't really drink anymore

I've had alcohol twice in the last three, I guess, three months now, three and a half months And I don't feel like I'm missing out at all I also feel like it's made some of my friendships stronger by providing a natural thing that I can invite people to do with me I've noticed that a lot of people don't want to go on a hike, or a walk, or even just go outside and do something by themselves So it's given me a really easy way to reach out to people and say, "Hey, let's do this thing and enjoy nature together

" And so I've seen my life just completely begin to change, and I've also seen myself start to see things differently that I was incapable of seeing before I still believe that everybody deserves respect I still believe that you can never judge what someone's going through based on their body, or even necessarily the choices they've made, and you can't assume their diet or their physical activity from their body either You just can't You just can't

That said, I do feel like there are two polarized views on health right now There is this view of constantly optimizing for performance in a way that's not maintainable by the average person, and those on the opposite, which is give up, do nothing, who cares And I realized that at every point in my life, I had been playing to one of these poles I had either been restrictive, and controlling, and losing the joy of my life solely to maintain a diet or a physical regime that met some type of ideal standard Or I was completely ignoring my fitness and eating habits to maximize supposed joy, right? These two polar opposites are not solutions

Both are bad In the middle lies what I think I want to represent and talk about more, which is health is a lot of really complicated, messy choices No one can make those complicated decisions for you You have to make them for yourself, and it doesn't start by following a new diet plan or giving up on dieting completely It starts by listening and learning from your body

Over the past three months, I have learned so much about how I operate I have begun to notice patterns that I had never acknowledged, and I began to notice foods that literally make me feel like crap that I was eating all of the time And I don't want to demonize those foods, because I honestly don't think that they have the same effect on every single person That would be an ignorant statement But what I have noticed and what I have become in tune with is my body and what my body needs

And I am scared to talk about this because it is such a loaded conversation I am scared to talk about it because I am doing really great right now I'm terrified I'm gonna fail I'm terrified that I will, in a couple more months, be seated down with the same pain I had before, and making it public means that you're gonna see that failure, and that's really hard for me as someone who likes to be a little bit of a superwoman I have that superwoman complex where I can do anything, I can change the world, and this is something that's really hard for me, and something that I have screwed up so many times

That's it To answer the questions I get asked most frequently Have I lost weight? Yes How much weight have I lost? I have absolutely no clue at this point How much more weight will I lose? I don't know/don't care

Is it easy? No, (laughs) it is not! Has it been painful to go through everything? Yes Has it been worth it? Yes I look at what I'm doing this week, and honestly, I've broken down five times crying, but I'm doing it Someone commented on a photo of mine They said, "Sometimes I don't know if I say no to something because I don't like it or because I'm afraid I can't do it

" And that just hit me so hard because I had been saying no to things because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it And that stops now So that is my health, fitness, life Whatever you wanna call this journey, I understand this might feel like a betrayal for some of you, especially because these topics are so hard and uncomfortable to talk about It's also annoying because I know there's gonna be some troll out there who's like, "We finally did it

We broke her" And I want you to know that this has nothing to do with anyone else's opinion of me I literally do not care if someone finds me attractive, Literally do not care The level of cares is so low So more than anything, know that I am happy

I am healthier, because I think obtaining maximum health is an unrealistic standard we place on ourselves, and I am doing this a hundred percent for me, and I feel better than I have felt in years Just the facts So with that guys, I hope you have an amazing rest of your day I'll check you later, and peace

This div height required for enabling the sticky sidebar

%d bloggers like this: